Thorn in my flesh

Author: Mamabear /

Last Sunday, in the midst of all the other Scripture thrown around, I was reminded of this passage from 2 Corinthians 12:


Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself!

Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me.

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

The phrase that hit me the most was this idea of a thorn in the flesh. I'm not that invested in figuring how what Paul suffered from...some say epilepsy, others say blindness or vision impairment and others say a spinal/muscle injury...I don't really care.

What I've been pondering is what a thorn in the flesh is. Or to be more clear, how does one distinguish what is a thorn of Satan, what is a nasty habit/sin and what is just a part of who one is.

I ask because I really wonder with whether or not some of us are just hard wired to struggle with issues that can become quite crippling. My friend ACJ touches on this when she shares about her own brand of crazy. (One which I can totally resonate with..plus she is a much better writer than I).

I know that I'm not alone in wondering this, however I think that it was easier for me when I could "pin down" the thorn in my flesh to a specific thing. Ie: our fertility struggle was a thorn in my flesh that God, in His mercy, took away from me. But it is ongoing things that I cannot discern whether it is just part of my identity, who God created me to be, or if they are thorns that I should be striving to overcome.

This post is rapidly becoming one of those posts where my thoughts are so twisted up in my own mind that I'm not explaining it well here. But I do think this passage will become part of my posting for the next little bit as I try to work through it. Plus, one of my goals for this year is to post at least once a week here.

Thoughts and more sound exegesis is most welcome here!



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Fragile

Author: Mamabear /

I am a private person. I will share with you just enough that you can feel that you know me; but most of the time I've carefully thought out just how much I'm willing to give. I've obviously been working through that a bit by blogging every day on my other blog, but still...

Here's the thing, whether it is right or wrong, or just is, I feel like some of my hopes, dreams, feelings are just too fragile to throw out there. When I think of sharing something deeper, I get this picture of my two hands, cupped together, cradling what I am about to share. My arms are slightly extended out, but still protective, inviting you to see, but silently begging you to be careful.

Some folk rush to my hands, pulling them apart to examine what I hold. In their enthusiasm, they take it, pulling, twisting and looking. They look for holes, they drop it, they tell others about it or they tell me what could be better about it and how to fix or deal with it. They mean well, and is often done in a spirit of being a friend, but it is hard...and chances are I won't share for a while again.

Others come a bit more slowly. They are more gentle, they ask questions and listen to my answers. They may pull apart my hands a bit and pick it up; not to take, but to see better.

A precious few wait. They wait till I fully extend my hands to them. Then, and only then they come, slowly, quietly, and they put their hands around my hands and just breathe with me as we look down into what my hands hold. No words needed.

Today, against my better judgement and out of necessity, I was forced to hold something out. Suffice it to say, I am feeling a bit fragile now.

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A song that says it all for me right now...

Author: Mamabear /

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Just thinking....

Author: Mamabear /

A quote from a show I watched this week where the character talks about women in a bridal magazine. She speaks of how she knew girls like the ones portrayed in the magazine; girls that lived simple lives, just wanting to get married and live life...and that she used to feel sorry for them. Then she said the line that has resonated with me ever since...


'I don't know, I think you are either born simple or you are born....
Me.'

Jeff and I had this whole conversation about marriage a few weeks ago (which I will blog about soon) that touched on this line of thought. My comment to him was that our life/marriage would be a bit easier if I was less uncomplicated. His response was a sideways glance, a smirk and the comment, ' Yes, it would....but it would be less interesting.'

That was a gracious response on his part to be sure. And there are days where we both wish I was born simple(or less complicated), however sometimes you just got to work with what you got.

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A crisis of Faith.

Author: Mamabear /

I don't know why it is so hard for me to post on this blog. It is not like I don't think about faith, God and life. Just the opposite, it is like that is all I'm thinking about!

Here is a short list of what rattles around in my brain at any given instance:
Jesus
Community
Hospitality
Gender
Same sex issues
Gardening
Being a wife
Being a mother
God
Prayer
Church and how I fit in
Vocation
The Holy Spirit
Family
Relationships

I am sure that there is more, but that is just off the top of my head. But what I think is so much scary is the sense that I am disconnected.

Disconnected from the Creator, His Son and the comfort of the Spirit. For me it is a crisis of faith. Not the kind that says, 'God does not exist', but rather the kind that says, 'God exists, but I'm not connected and I don't know how to do this anymore'

And I miss it.

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2 comments that have stuck in my craw.

Author: Mamabear /

Time often can provide perspective. Good conversations with lots of people can do the same. But if I was totally honest with myself, there have been 2 comments/statements that have dug themselves deep into my mind that I keep going over and over. And when I say 2 comments, I really mean 2 themes since multiple people have said these either to my face, through private emails or frankly, as gossip. So here goes!


1.) The insinuation that Hubby is not "man" enough to be the head of the household because of my work as a Youth Pastor.

I'm going to assume that this theme/question/insult was based on the scripture passage in Ephesians where it says for the wife to submit to the husband because the husband is the head of the household just as Christ is Head of the Church.

If we study the passage ALL THE WAY (meaning to Ephesians 6:9), we see Paul speaking to 3 sets of relationships: wives & husbands, children & parents and slaves & masters. Paul was writing in a time where, culturally speaking, women, children and slaves were the lesser status. Each time Paul starts with a cultural reference to relationship, but quickly turns it into a spiritual relationship and responsibility. Yes, it says for wives to submit to their husbands, but it also calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Can you imagine a world where that held true? Do you think wives would have any trouble submitting to husbands who upheld that standard of love and devotion? I don't think so.

HOWEVER, this passage talks ONLY of wives and husbands in the home. Not about church leadership. This passage is not about the giftedness and calling of a woman in regards to church leadership...but somehow always gets called into play around this issue.

Which brings me to the insulting part of this whole thing. Those who make the comments regarding my marriage and Jeff's role in it are just people that: a). Don't know us. b). Ignorant and c). Hurtful. I am a woman blessed by her husband. Jeff is so confident in who he is, what gifts God has given him, and confident in our relationship that me being in leadership in ministry has never been an issue between us. In fact, at pastor gatherings, Jeff would wear a name tag that stated "Pastor's Husband". He is the leader of our home, and he is a leader who values my opinion, loves me as best as a man can and sees our marriage as a partnership, not a dictatorship. He is more of a man than those who hide between this passage in order to have some sort of power and control over women. He is a man who wants to see the women around him, who are gifted and called by God, in leadership for the benefit of this community. And we need more men like him to speak, to live and to lead.

2.) Women in Leadership = Gays getting married in our Churches

First of all, really??!?? This comment made me laugh, then want to weep and finally to smack the people who said it. This comment was so out of line that I wondered if I just read a different bible than everyone else. These are 2 separate issues; there is no relationship between the 2. I know that people point to the United and Anglican churches as "proof", but that is simply ridiculous. If you are going to point to denominations that ordain women, then also look at the Canadian Baptists across Canada, or the Christian Reformed. Trust me when I say these denominations are nowhere near accepting gay marriage; I have several friends who can attest to that! Secondly, fear of "the gays" being in your church due to having women in leadership is redundant. If you think your church doesn't have gay people in it, you are sadly mistaken...sorry to burst your bubble. The 2 are NOT LINKED. Saying outrageous statements does not, in fact, make it true. It just creates fear and confusion. Please. Study your bible.

So, there you have it. 2 comments/themes/insults that have been rattling around my brain. Comments please.

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A follow up to An Open letter to Church X

Author: Mamabear /

Due to an overwhelming response, both publicly on the blog and private emails, I've decided to do a follow up. I want to address a few comments/thoughts that were shared with me. I love that this post has generated so many diverse thoughts and this post, by no means is an exhaustive epistle on the issue. I have my own perspective on it, and I am not so arrogant to think that I can write in an unbiased fashion.


Ready? Here we go...

Jesus and the Upside Down Kingdom:

2 Greatest Commandments: Love God and Love Others (my paraphrase)

In Jesus' ministry, He took all of what was the norm and flipped it upside down. He made God accessible to everyone. He made it simple. He welcomed everyone to the table, to His teachings, to His Life. Men, women and children. That was Jesus.

Church as a "Club":

We have all probably had a moment in our lives where we wanted to be part of a club/group/clique that for some unknown reason we were excluded from. Remember the pain? The anger? The wondering...why aren't I welcome here?
My own personal fear is that church as we know it, has become a club. A club with secret dress codes and passwords.

How much better if church was synonymous with community, welcome, hospitality and love. Simplistic? Idealistic? Perhaps, but when Jesus summed up the whole Old Testament with the 2 Great Commandments, seems to me that He was doing the same.

Jesus as the Head of the Church:

Yep. I agree. Jesus is crazy, stupid in love with the church...no matter how much we screw it up.

Culture and Context:

One of the things that I detest the most in theological arguments is when culture is relevant through the ages for certain issues but not others. One of these issues for me is the whole women in leadership issue. Somehow, we can still cling to the text that cites the woman should be "silent" in church, but throw out texts around jewellery, short hair on women and head coverings.

I'll be the first to admit that Paul's writings seem conflicting at times. At one point he speaks of women praying and prophesying, then in the next breath saying they should be silent. He has several women deacons such as Lydia and Priscilla and then says women should ask questions of their husbands at home.

Here's a thought, in reading the whole bible as an overarching, never-ending story, we can see the ways God has worked in the world. God is fluid, adaptable, Creator. He is not limited by our ways, but rather works within for His good. Yes, the world before was patriarchal, women were limited in their public roles. But God wove in women of faith and wisdom to take up prominent roles in the history of Christianity.

The Giftedness of All:

I think most people nowadays would agree that both men and women are equals; created that way by God. Then why then would God calls us to 2 deeply different roles? Why would one role be of leadership and the other submission ? Especially if men and women are not only of equal status and dignity before God but in every other way as well?

Consider a successful computer business. Profits are high, the brand is popular with consumers, staff loved the company and executives worked as a team and everyone loves the boss. The boss is smart, funny, makes wise decisions, is a great team builder and know the business inside out. The boss is also a strong person of faith, who is not afraid to let that be known, but is warm and welcoming to all. Wouldn't you want this person in leadership in your church?

Perhaps. But the "problem" is that the boss is a woman. Somehow all the gifts that make her a success in the world gets stripped away the minute she enters a church. They are not longer acknowledged. In my humble opinion, that doesn't make sense.

Phew! There was a lot more tossed about in the comments...but I think that is all for me right now. Comments welcomed. Please show grace when responding to others that might have a different view.

***If you are at all interested in reading a fairly balanced view on Gender as a whole, I suggest "Finally Feminist" by John Stackhouse. (Don't let the title fool you)

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